Big things are happening for the LeFrancois fam right now. Exciting things that are also scary and emotional and a bunch of other feelings (Which is why I’ve buried myself into developing this website and posting my first blog). The unknown is terrifying. Is that just me? It can’t be just me. It’s why people tend to choose the easy route and it’s where regret comes from. There’s an amazing TED Talk by Ruth Chang about this. I’ll link it at the bottom of this post. Anyway, anxiety and depression have teamed up to try and take me out, and while I’m trying to access all the resources and tools I’ve developed over the years, they definitely have the upper hand. (Neurotransmitters and social conditioning. Yay). I’ll fill you in on the details of the big changes, I promise. I just want to process some of the feelings first. Have you ever made a decision that felt like the biggest decision in the world, and you were immediately ignited by a “this feels right” intuition and let yourself live on clarity bridge and thought it was the most magical and exciting bridge you’ve ever seen? And then the bridge snaps and is like, “ooh…sorry. No vacancies. Byyyye!” Cool. Me, too. It effing sucks. And the thing is…this big decision comes with exciting opportunities and hard-earned achievement, so why is it so debilitating? Because when it’s a big life change…exciting opportunity also comes with mourning. (I have to credit my sister for this truth). We make these life-altering decisions for a reason. They called to us and we answered and that “this feels right” bell, it’s very rarely wrong. But sometimes the decision is a form of rebirth – and with that comes the death of a reality you once knew. That’s sad. And that’s okay. This doesn’t mean that we’re tethered to this new life. The beautiful thing is that we are faced with choices and opportunities all the time. We can put one reality to bed and give birth to a new one (that might even look similar to the original that you needed a break from to begin with). It’s all malleable, and knowing that is keeping me afloat.
Now for the tea. (I hope my friends are impressed by my organic use of young-and-cool lingo). I recently accepted an offer for the community psych grad program and the University of New Haven. For those of you like me, that’s in Connecticut, which is what cartographers call The East Coast. (I’m very educated but geographically challenged. Like…bad). Anyway…this means a cross-country move. A cross-country move for me, my husband, and our dog, Jax. That’s big, right? Right. Here’s the plot twist: we have already been planning a big move. We’ve been researching and processing it and getting things in order. The reason we were doing that is because I initially got accepted to Auckland University (Fellow geographically-challenged: That’s in New Zealand). I’ll save the political reasons as to why I applied there for another day. But let’s just say that we wanted out of this shit-show and New Zealand’s culture and lifestyle is where we wanted to go. A huge, giant, neon-sign plus was that my sister and her family began making the same plans. Fed up with this country and what it values, they hopped on the kiwi train and we couldn’t have been happier. Fast forward to my graduate acceptance letters and we arrive at that dreaded crossroad. I hate it. It’s fake and it’s phony and I wish I’d never laid eyes on it! (Musical fans? Sandra Dee? No?) So now the decision part. New Zealand with its feminist Prime Minister, socialized healthcare, and my soulmate of a sister and her family? Or Connecticut with a really amazing program that feels perfect for me, away from literally everyone we know and love? Some of you may be confused by this, but New Haven felt like the risk and New Zealand felt like the safe choice. I wasn’t in love with the program, I was in love with the environment and support network who would be there with me, and that didn’t give me the academic “this feels right” confirmation.
So now we’re moving 3,000 miles away, texting our realtor to find a house where Evan will scrape snow off our driveway and Jax will have a yard to run around. There will be Fall colors to sensationalize over, taverns for date night (yes, New England has legit taverns), and a liquor store called Ye Ole Liquor shoppe which I will absolutely be visiting. It’s going to be and adventure. But right now…it’s the most overwhelming process. My heart is still in mourning and will be for some time. For those of you reading this who know my soul…my FOMO will be off the charts. I will gladly accept any and all forms of communication and will miss you so much.
Also…we’ll have an adorable guest bedroom. Feel free to come frolic in the Autumn leaves or build snow people with us. That’s all for now. (And no…my future posts will not be this long.)