I read today that not only has the Navajo Nation kicked coronavirus’s ass within their own communities, they are now donating extra PPE to India. The difference in cultural practices and collectivist values is astounding. I know most of my ancestors were non-white, but I don’t know who they are. I know that we come from territories in and around Texas, and before it was Texas, territories of Mexico. But who are my indigenous ancestors and what values got lost within each generation? I have grown up in a culture of which I’ve grown ashamed. I have grown up and accustomed to capitalism, individualistic values, and a country built on a foundation of racism. Sure, my circles have instilled other values, like equality, education, and empathy. I’m thankful for those lessons. But there are days (more more days as of late) that I wish I felt more connected to…something else. A respect for the earth and an ingrained responsibility to give back to it. An immediate response to provide for others in need, without thinking of what that may be taking away from me and mine. A contentment with what I need to survive rather than thinking multiple bathrooms and a large kitchen is on a must-have list. I know humans are complex and I am no different. There will be days that I am overjoyed by the arrival of a new book, paint sample, or impossibly glittery product for crafting. There will be other days that I reject material things completely. But today, I’m just sad for the things that I cannot heal and the problems I cannot solve.
I am someone who comes from someone, who came from other someones and so forth. I like to think I know who I am and I often say that I do (with conviction) but today I’m not sure. Today I’m thinking of all the others who came before me, of all the others who are breathing right now and who have values I long for. I’m thinking of those who are oppressed and mistreated who are more human than those who forced them off their own land, or those who were kidnapped, beaten, raped, and forced to work stolen land for centuries.